毛家的人天生就有说故事的能力,那种自嘲式的幽默感也与生俱来。从很小的时候,我和我敏感细致的哥哥就是以这样的方式去发现生活中一切可乐的细节相互揶揄自娱自乐。
需要指出的是,在我哥哥这篇发表在家族论坛上的帖子,运用了中英文两个版本,那是为了照顾一部分没有中文阅读能力的第二代移民亲戚。我哥常说出国10年犹如“邯郸学步”,英语没有老外地道,中国也忘得差不多了。然而对比后发现,他中英文造词遣句基本做到字字有着落,词不离句,句不离段。而我拿来放在这个空间里,无他,意在这个炎热的夏季里,“为平凡的日子增添快乐”。
给平凡的日子添点快乐
To Add Some Fun to the Ordinary Life
文字和图片均由毛冬青提供
周六中午,同事电话:划独木舟,同去,同去。我往脸上抹了点防晒油,准备了些干粮和水,稀里糊涂上了路。随行六人,两辆车,三只舟。一小时后驶进了一片丛林。两车分别停在出发点和终点两头,方便调配。这段河道直线距离只有两公里,但蜿蜒曲折,算起来要划上两三个钟头,晚上六点左右我们应该能回到家。
My colleague buzzed me on Saturday afternoon: “Join us in canoeing.” Without giving a second thought, I hurriedly smeared the sunscreen on my face, packed some snack and water, and hopped in a Ford Focus. Six of us occupied two vehicles fully loaded with three canoes and spent about an hour on the Highway before vanishing in the bush. We decided to park the vehicles at either end of the canoe route for the best coordination before launching canoes. Although the straight distance of this stream was about two kilos, it meandered back and forth through the valley, so we figured out the peddling time would be roughly two hours and we should be safe to get home for supper at about six o’clock.
正要下船,发现其中一卡车前轮扎破漏气了。车主打趣说,此轮胎能自动修复(self-healing),没大碍。其实不过换个备用胎,等船靠岸后再补也最多不过多花二十分钟时间,大家都不当回事。
A leaking tire of the pick-up truck was detected. The owner shrugged off his should, gave a grin and commented the tire would be self-healing (such an easy fix by replacing it with the spare, say, maximum 20 minutes), not a big deal, so we agreed to change it afterwards.
我们于是在一陡坡处下了船,密林深处,蚊虫很多,溪水清澈见底,水流时缓时急。独木舟狭长,限坐两人,掌握好平衡和摆渡是关键。溪水欢快地淌着,我们过浅滩,转急弯,跳险峡。。。又或下水扛船跨过/绕过枯枝堆(log jam/beaver dam),深潭处戏水惊鸟,驻停垂钓。。。
We sent the canoes down the stream from a steep hill. In the heart of the forest, sheets of mosquitoes were patrolling. The translucent water naughtily changed its pattern from tranquility to tumbling current at various folds. Tactical steering and good weight balancing were the trick to handle the long, skinny canoe, which could contained two persons only. We stumbled through shallow stream bed, navigated tight bends, hurdled off cliffs… In areas where encountered by log jam or beaver dam, we lifted the canoes across the obstacles or made a detour along the branch. Inspired by plentiful playful water and chirping birds in surroundings, we pulled over the canoes in the midst of deep pond for fishing.
说到钓鱼,其实用不着鱼饵,在鱼钩旁附上一金属亮片,将鱼线沿下游甩去然后慢慢收线,鱼就能上钩。原来被水流冲击来回摆动的亮片能吸引了鱼的注意力,于是禁不住就咬钩了,钓上来大多是鳟鱼和草鱼。拉上来过把瘾后就放生了。
Fishing deserved to further elaborate: unlike my childhood experience, the fishing rod demanded only a sharp hook along with a flashing metal wabler devoid of any baits. When casting a fishing rod downstream and slowly dragging it down-and-across the stream channel, you could noticed a sudden jerk by local habitants whose attention was caught by the vibratory wabler. It was with great fun to pull the trout or unnamed fish out of water and release them later.
时间飞快流淌,上岸后已过六点了,估计到家至少要晚八点以后。我们在岸的这头等另一头把卡车胎换好后,将三只舟一并载上打道回府。蚊虫猖獗,什么驱蚊药都不管用。我们玩了会飞碟,实在顶不住,就全都钻回小车里将门窗锁死躲着。实在无聊,就将一大盆生蔬菜(什么芹菜,红辣椒,红萝卜。。。)吃个精光。等啊等,一个多小时过去了,还没瞧见远方扬起尘土,知道不妙,于是就让一人留守看管好船和财物,其余前去出发点看个究竟。
Time flied by and it passed six o’clock when we jumped off the canoes. We had to reassume the arrival time to home would be around eight o’clock. Four of us hung around waiting for the pick-up from the truck departing from another end once its flat tire had been changed. We were starving and bombarded by mosquitoes. We played Frisbee in hope of the movement could shake off them, but it wouldn’t help. We dashed in the Ford Focus with doors and windows locked, scavenging for food, and devouring all the remnant raw vegetables (celery,red pepper, carrot…). We had been desperately waiting for like more than an hour and still no dust arising in distance yet. Realizing something went wrong, we fired up the Focus and drove to the other end, volunteering a poor guy to stay and safeguard the canoes and other belongings.
果然不出所料,那被扎破的胎已彻底蔫了,并不像先前开玩笑所说的“自动修复”。可恨的是备用胎根本无法被卸下来。那人满身大汗,嘴里不断诅咒。数十百的蚊子围着他狂轰乱炸。我们于是反复阅读说明书,仍百思不解其法(该死的福特)。暮色已降,没人想在这荒山野岭扎营再呆上一晚。无奈,临时决定,弃此车逃难。明早再回来想办法。于是先将两只舟藏好在林子里,然后六人和随身的行李一同“打包”进另一小福特车里。
As anticipated, the pierced tire was complete flat as opposed to be “self-healing”. Unfortunately, the spare was unable to be cranked down (due to the mechanical faulty). The poor guy was sweat soaked, cursed Holly Jesus Mother &*@!^…, and preyed by hundreds of mosquitoes. We restudied the Truck’s manual over times and still felt cloudy (Damn Ford!). The dusk crept in and no one was willing to stay overnight in this remote isolated place. We voted for abandoning the truck instantly and saved the trouble for tomorrow. In a blink of eyes, we tucked the canoes in the bush and squeezed in the little Focus leading to home.
终于能上路,车里挤得不行,我一语点破,小车载重超过一千磅。。。大家望天打卦,希望不要再有爆胎或其他意外。一路上手机没有信号,无法和家人联系。又动弹不得,不免有点郁闷。没有电台信号,只有席琳.迪翁的CD, 当再次听到“my heart will go on and on and on…”时,脑后根一片发麻。
The little Focus was completely pressurized by six adults, with total net weight over 1000 pounds (I did the math). We could do nothing but pray, hoping all the tires could sustain… no cell signal meaning no chance to get hold of our families and being compressed denying any movements inside the car, which slowly built up the cloud of frustration. We turned on the radio and nothing was appealing expect electronic notice… Fortunately, we had a Celine Dion’s CD. Yes, no kidding. It was hers! We played her song immediately and then “my heart will go on and on and on and on…” My god! I felt so bitterly thankful.
车驶出了一段时间,忽然一女子惊叫:“不好,我的车和房门钥匙都锁在留在林子里的卡车中,这会回不了家了。”几乎同时另一男子失声叫道:“我的车和房门钥匙都锁在你的车里,如果你开不了车门,我怎么回家?”大家面面相觑,不知哭好还是笑好。后一致决定弃小利益保大利益,不走回头路,明天再算。
It was quiet for a while and then a lady shouted: “Shit! I locked my house key and car key in the truck left in the bush.” Meanwhile, a guy lost his voice: “Don’t you know I’ve locked mine (keys) in your car? How am I supposed to go home tonight if you cannot open your car door?” We were so puzzled (how could this happen), sighed, and shook heads. Again, we voted for scarifying individual interest for sake of the team and decided to keep going and leave troubles for tomorrow.
离城将近三十公里,手机终于有信号,一看表,晚十点半了。赶紧给老婆报个平安。之后就是先把有家可归的送回家,然后想办法用挂衣铁丝把没家可归那女子的车窗摇下,取出了那本该也无家可归的男子的钥匙让他变得有家可归。那女子就呆在我另一同事男子家过夜。等把我送回家时,已经十一点半,洗个澡,觉得快要发烧了,赶紧到床就睡。到天亮时,我差不多用完了一卷纸巾抽鼻子。第二天早起上厕所感到困难,那烤糊的热狗又从胃里翻了上来。。。
Afterwards, we sent those who could get home to home, and then rolled down poor lady’s car window by means of a wiry tool refurnished from a cloth hanger so the poor guy could fetch his keys and go home. The lady would be provided shelter overnight by the truck’s owner so they could arrange another trip to the bush again tomorrow. It was 11:30pm when I was safely home. I took a shower, feeling I was exhausted and was about to have a fever, and hit the pillow right after. The next day morning I found I had almost finished a whole roll of tissue paper for my sniffling nose. I felt I was (like) constipated and the toasted hotdog was still lingering in my stomach.
附:随行的有结构工程师,地质工程师,在训工程师,环境专家。。。都并不是涉世未深的teenagers,平均年龄35,玩起来都是一群孩子。
PS: Together along are structural engineer, geotechnical engineer, engineer in training, and environmental specialists with average ages 35 as opposed to teenagers, but sometimes we could be even goofier.